"So... what if one day, like I'm talking thousands of years from now, dogs could like.. evolve.. to wanting drugs.. or some kind of dog drug.. and there was a secret underground dog drug world and there were dealer dogs and the dogs got drugs from them."

"....well, they'd have to have some kind of currency."

"Yeah... unless it was run by humans. And then they get the dealer dogs to get money."

"But how do dogs get money?"

"...they steal it."

"..."

"..."

eh.. maybe you had to be there.

Train Round the Bend

heyyyy ya'll! its VICTORIA! hell yeah, i'm back. i've missed all you crazy bloggers. and thanks for the comments...keep em comin :)
Luise and I met to see a "concert" in Steel Park. it ended up really being a "shelebration." yes everyone...it was a reading of shel silversteins poems. before you laugh, it ended up being really great. dont like, you ALL loved his poems when you were younger! and did you know: his daughter died when she was 11? his actual day of death is unknown? that he wrote many songs for johnny cash and loretta lynn? THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
after the Shelebration we went back to luise's house and smoked. (hell yeah we were at a reading of shel silverstein poems and we were not under any influence. sweeeet.) we listed to william s. burroughs, yo la tengo, the beatles, and many others......who knows the artisit of the song in the title?!??!
~this has been a vIcToRiA production~

Single Again

Tuesday: Margaritas
Wednesday: Tall Cans
Thursday: Good beer
Friday: Wine
Saturday: KEG
Sunday: Jug Wine
Monday: Left Over Keg

Yes, this was a week of drinking for me.

But I will speak of one night in particular. THE NIGHT O' KEG(s)....!!!

It was a dark and stormy evening and I rode my bike 8 miles in the rain and thunderstorm to arrive at Madison Wisconsin's covered in gross road wet. Madison and Bianca (who just that day had returned to the group after many months of absence) had been working on special brownies all night. I also see Svedka for the first time in weeks.

After they finish the brownies, the 10 various people who had accumulated at Madison's house march their way down the street to JerMayBeGay's house and to the keg(s). I drank so much from the keg(s). I love keg(s). Beer can never taste better. Everyone is having a crazy time: face painting, beer pong, flip cup, thunderstorms, and special brownies.

Recently I have quit the tabacco weed. However, when I am drinking I sometimes make exceptions. (Oddly enough, I drank all week so really I smoked cigarettes all week....) Anyway, I was trying to make make once such quitting exception when I meet Jimmy. Jimmy and I had been previousally aquainted at a Great Book's party. We talk a couple times during the night with some other hipster type peoples. After a couple of hours Jimmy and James (his counterpart) decide they are going to go to another party and they invite me along. I think, why the hell not? So I retreive my bicycle from Madisions and follow them.

As I ride up to the location, Jimmy and James climb out of cab. We go inside this house and meet Twitch (J and J's 16 year old friend who is totally gone by our arrival) and Bruce. The DJ had stoped spinning by the time I arrived and the kegs were sucked dry, so I wet up to the roof to look for another exception cigarette.

While asking around for a cigarette I meet a second Jimmy and his two friends, Cheech and the Bigman. At the end of the conversation Bigman proclaimed his everlasting love for me because of how awesome I was and told people I was his wife. Cheech and I had set up a green bakery. And Jimmy Two and I exchanged numebers.

Then I meet Andree and Allen. I enjoyed their company much less than the prevoius crowd. They tried to take me to another party, but instead I left with Jimmy One, James, Twitch and Bruce on a five mile epic walk to Jimmy's house. Twitch and Bruce are completely wasted and would punch shit and knock over stuff and rip plants out of planters. It was insanity. Jimmy One eventally gets bored with their drunkness and takes off walking. I catch up to him on my bike. We finally make it to his house at 5am after an hour and a half of walking with my bike. Bruce, Twitch and James arrive five mintues after us. Eventually they pass out after some drunk giggleing. I innocently cuddle with Jimmy One all night, wake up and ride my bike home.

I wonder if I will see them ever again. That night was a lot of fun.

The moral of this story is: Enjoy your kegs.
-Luise

I'm Not

On the the ninth day, God created Xanax.

True statement.

Saturday, June 27th.
1030p::Flo'rida, Michael Phelps, and yours truly, Madison Wisconsin, furiously swallow one half a magic z-bar each and jump in a cab.
11p::The three arrive at the movie theatre. A large popcorn is bought. The movie begins. What where the previews? Couldn't tell ya.
11?p::Flo'Rida and Phelps swallow their other halves as I sneak to the bathroom for a quick nose potty break and a snort.
11?p-1240a:: ...... There was something to do with a slave and virgins in a fire. I can tell you nothing else.
1245a:: Walk home. I remember that this happened, but I don't remember it happening. Does that make sense?
1a-5a:: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED! WHY ARE ALL THESE HOURS MISSING FROM MY LIFE!?!?!

Flo'Rida passed out on my bed early. At some point, the small and twitchy roommate arrived home, accompanied by JereMayBeGay. The breeze was shot, I suppose. JereMayBeGay swallowed a half before retreating to Mitchel's room. He returned several hours? minutes? days? light years? later and snorted a line, stating, "I MUST be listening to Californication while I snort this!" And thus it was.

The night continued. At some point, I cheered Phelps on like a frat pledge trying a kegstand as he successfully snorted two lines without a bloody nose. We all cheered each other on, really.

Somehow, hours went by. Photographic evidence proved we were outside at 530a. We passed a possum sitting on a railing. It just kind of sat there and stared at us. Then Phelps put a cup on its head which it hissed angrily at. But it still sat there and posed as we took pictures with it.

The discovery of this photo led them to another realization. Sometime before stepping outside, the lack of grass was discovered. There was none. Whatsoever. Then JereMayBeGay suggested a decision so vile, it can only be blamed on the copious amounts of Xanax. JMBG (so long to type!) mentioned he knew where his neighbor kept her stash. I have absolutely no idea how this story goes. Long story short, we broke into her house at 4am and looked around. Pretty nice place. Then, I suppose we realized we were in someone else's house. Literally. This makes no sense. But I REMEMBER NOTHING!

Then we came back to the house. Phelps began what he later described as a luxiously slow bike ride home around 6:30 and I crashed. Hard.

Oh, I also gave Phelps $10 to get me herb. Seriously, this is all very confusing. I don't know.

In the morning, Phelps gave me a call and told me his guy fell through. Biked all the way back to give me my money. Then we made calls to other people. And then it was found. So he biked away to get it for me. OH, by the way Big Ben may be back in the game and playing it cheap. More news on that later.

After some patient waiting, Flo'Rida got home from work. Big Tony ditched on our quality time and Phelps arrived shortly after. The three of us watched some Weeds and smoked some. Eventually, Flo'Rida hit the hay. That's when Phelps and I tried to figure out the previous night. And yet, to no avail. And now JereMayBeGay is here again. Nothing makes sense. Ever.

Haven't done any z-bars tonight, but the memory of the no memory was tight as shit. Time meant nothing. And I have no recollection of ANY of it.

Sweet.

Well. Off to indulge. This is great for my sleep schedule.

À bientôt,
Madison Wisconsin

Untitled #1

After the gas company left at 4am, Madison and I discussed our own mortality. Eventually we fell asleep, only to be shortly reawakened by kittens running around on top of us. Luckily we were able to tame the beasts and go back to sleep for awhile. The sleep was greatly appreciated, but it caused us to miss free admission day at the aquarium. In light of the events, we instead made plans to screen print shirts and invited our mutual friend, Big Tony, over. After a brief conversation about France and wearing berets, the two of us separated only to reunite a few hours later where we enjoyed the fine weather and relaxed until Tony arrived. It was now time to indulge in the art of screen printing.

After minutes of debate, the three of us arrived at the perfect stencil: The horse-tamer.


Instead of a man taming a horse however; we had a unicorn battling a wizard.

MAGIC DUEL.

In the middle of running the shirts, the power of the munchies unleashed itself upon us. Madison Wisconsin and I decided to make deviled eggs and crepes. It was 11.30 pm and we cooked up a storm wearing berets and speaking in French accents. We dedicate that evening to our a friend who is traveling in Europe now; May you drink much wine and make out with many French men in front of the Eiffel Tower.

Somewhere in the glory of the crepes and eggs Madison and I began to talk of revolution. We became young Che's and I thrust my cooking knife into the cutting board a few times pretending to get the information before Tony freaked out about how insane we were. He took the knife (probably with good reason), but only stuck around a little longer before retiring home.

Madison and I finished printing our shirts and bags. Here is a finished design.

The city was already there, by the way.

It had been a long and exhausting day so we retired early and made plans to visit the aquarium on the morrow. It seems the kittens did not like this plan, because they woke us up around 8am. Madison, being unable to sleep returned to her house and headed for the fish gallery on the bus while I set out on my million mile bike ride.

After some time in the humid and cloudy city we each arrived at our destination, saw about 20 million children waiting in line at the aquarium and decided to walk down the lake looking for a space to indulge in some green activities. We walked around the shore and enjoyed the nice weather, played in the water and even went and saw an art exhibit. My god we sound like a couple lesbians on a date. (Not that there would be anything wrong with that, but gay we are not.) In the late afternoon we split ways, and made plans to possibly reunite later tonight. Madsion's roommate, Flo' Rida, returns today so it should be a cause for celebration.

I feel like I'm returning from a lovely vacation and I didn't even leave the city. May these days come easy and often, and may the rain hold off just a little bit longer.

Respectfully Yours,
Luise

Theme de Yoyo

Dear Bathroom Blog,

Is very good to see you. We have not make correspondence for very long time and it makes for very sadness very much.

However, we at the Bathroom Blog, despite our recent negligence, are still committed to sharing the beautiful and fuzzy moments of life as best we can, and we will attempt to keep that commitment throughout the summer, as God is our witness.

But, this post is not about apologies, no sir. This post is about the last 24 or so hours, in their complete and honest glory. A time span and unfolding of events that can only result from the braindeadness of summer, the mental cloud of herbal aides and the turbulent sleep cycles of today's urban youth.

It is written in Genesis, chapter 6, God once decided to flood the earth and kill everyone and everything. With, of course, the exception of one man, Noah, and his wife, Noah's Wife. God said that Noah had to build an ark and collect two of all the kinds of the animals (and maybe plants, but that's debatable.) Long story short, it rained for a really long time (maybe forty days, or is that another one?) and then a dove came. Anyway. That's basically what Chicago was like as our story begins. Massive downpours, thrashing winds, etc. After some long debate on the probability of death should Madison face the storm and make her way to the Dank Haus to revel in the rainy day with Luise, the decision was made. Madison, with her umbrella and kitten in hand, waded through the raging storm and arrived at Luise's, soaked, but alive and well. The two spent the evening in the best of ways: watching their new kittens play, a rock and roll film, a cake, some awkwardness, and of course, some plant. It was the best of all times.

The evening went swimmingly, until around 3am, when Luise stepped out of her bedroom and into the kitchen. It was then that the smell hit. It was 'butaney,' 'alcoholicy,' even. At first, the pair thought Luise's oven had a leak, and that they would surely die of an explosion. The two retreated to the bedrom to decide what their next move would be. They soon agreed that the smell didn't really remind of the 'sulfury' stench of a gas leak, but remained stumped as to what the mysterious odor was, or where it was coming from. Finally, after much debate over what to do (should we leave? where will we go? what about the cats? what if the house explodes? what if we get sick? we'll feel like such fools!), the two made an important decision. As it was three in the morning, the two had no where to go. No one to call. No hope. So they called the only one who could possibly help: the gas company.

Their help, however, was actually the opposite of help. It was non-help. After reaffirming that the smell wasn't a gas leak and making a lame joke about a $700 bill that only further confused Luise's deepfried brain, they departed, leaving our heroes once again alone with their enemy. Deciding to investigate the basement on the supposition that the smell was coming from a vent, the two retreated to the depths below. However, the basement yielded no evidence of the odor, and the mystery continued. It was then that the locked door to the right of the basement was spotted. The truth was then apparent. There was a meth lab underneath Luise's apartment. Of course.

This conclusion seemed to be the most probable and easily explained soultion to the mystery, and thus, it stands. The real answer, however, will most likey never be revealed. The smell was gone by morning, all evidence of its existence gone with it. Only the foggy deja-vu like feelings of a night that once was. The night of the Butaney Alcoholicey Gas Leak.

Luise's commentary on tonight's events soon to come. Stay alive, Bathroom Blog. Stay alive.

Most sincerely,
Madison Wisconsin

I Love My Car

NEW CARD GAME: Ay Caliente!

RULES:
-Players are dealt 5 cards. One player receives 6. The dealer decides which person gets 6. The person with 6 cards goes first.
-A card from the deck is turned over. Players must either 1) Match the Suit, 2) Match the card numerically, or 3) Play a card one number higher of any suit.
-If the number is matched, the next player must draw a card before they can go.
-If a player cannot play on a card, they must draw two cards. If they can then play with one of the drawn cards, they may. If not, they must say "No caliente."

AY YI YI!:
-An AY YI YI is when three of the same number have been played.
-A double (ex: two 9s) can be played only if the player before has put down the same number (a 9). This is an AY YI YI!
-If one player puts down a number (8), then the next player puts the same number (8), the next player must draw a card. BUT, if they are able to put down the same number again (8), this is an AY YI YI!
-The first player to shout AY YI YI! chooses another player to draw a card.
-If multiple players shout AY YI YI, they must rock, paper, scissors to AY YI YI!, the symbol revealed on the final YI! The winning player wins the AY YI YI and chooses who draws.

AY CALIENTE!:
-When a player has one card left, they must shout AY CALIENTE! before each player's turn.
-If they are caught not saying AY CALIENTE!, they must draw a card.

BUENOS DIAS!
-After a player has won and is the AY CALIENTE!, the phrase becomes BUENOS DIAS!
-If a player has one card left at this point, they must say BUENOS DIAS! before each player's turn.
-If they are caught not saying BUENOS DIAS! or if they say AY CALIENTE! instead, they must draw a card.

After the BUENOS DIAS! has won, the player with the least amount of cards is The Shuffler for the next round. They must shuffle the deck throughout gameplay until the next Shuffler is crowned. The person with the most amount of cards at the end becomes the next dealer and chooses who gets 6 cards and goes first.

SPECIAL BONUS RULE:
-If at any time, four of the same number card (four of a kind) are played, all players except the one who played the fourth card must draw one card. THIS INCLUDES any players who have already won. The AY CALIENTE! (& the BUENOS DIAS! if applicable) must draw one card and rejoin the game. Their status is revoked and game continues.

OTHER PENALTIES:
-Saying AY YI YI! when an AY YI YI! has not been played results in the offending player drawing one card.

For multiple players, other Spanish phrases are encouraged for the tiering.

This game can be played with 3 to any number of people. One deck is suggested per four players.

M79

"Yoouh are the asshuhle, I am the remembererrrr. WON TUUH THREE FAUHR!"


[five minutes later.]

"Who is the rememberer?"
"WON TUUH THREE FAURH!"

Urinetown?

So I just got here to make a huge long post telling some story, but then I decided not to. But then I felt bad about getting on the blog without posting, so I think we should make a new law.
"A person is not allowed to log on to the bathroom blog without making a post."

Sincerely,
Victoria.

Casmir Pulaski Day

This is the shit that went down tonight
1. luise's goal: invagination
2. svedka's goal: WHERE ARE ALL THE GIRLS?!??
3. victoria's goal: not to be too annoyed by all the first years.

went to conors party. who is conor? only 1/2 of the bloggers really knew. but by the end of the night, everyone knew the awesomeness of conor.

(victoria's interlude: WHAT IS GOING ON IN LIFE. i am not drunk anymore and i don't know what to do with myself. i need to smoke some weed in order to comprehend my life.)

ok be back later. futher plans are being established.

Sound of Silence

It started with Luise at work sending a text message to Svedka.
We should call some other people. Maybe have a small party at my house? I mean small though...

Svedka goes on texting frenzy for 40 minutes.

Victoria, Madison Wisconsin, and Svedka go to The Stud for some shit food. While there, they dodge questions from Luise's boring, alcoholic, writer roommate, Hemmingway, about the goingsdown of tonight's activitys. No, you may not come over to your own house. Find something else to do.

Meanwhile, Luise is canvasing. As always. It is important to note at this point that earlier in the day, Madison was accosted by a certain environment loving organization while strolling leisurely through a gay area of town. As she claimed to already be a member to avoid the guilt trip such organizations lead, she mentioned their recent firing of our dear Luise after she failed to make her three day quota. Turns out this woman was Luise's former team leader on her first day of work. The world gets smaller, the people get uglier.

After ingesting far too much shit food, Victoria left for work to be swooned by the lovely singing voices of a non-musical conservatory during auditions. Wonderful. Svedka and Madison left for Madison's abode to... do the usual. They then joined forces with Madison's roommate, Flo'Rida. While zoning to articles about Scooby Doo and drug busts in Tennessee (YEA-UH!), Flo'Rida somehow managed to convince Svekda and Madison to accompany her to a variety show/concert her sort-of boyfriend was performing in with his band. After deciding when exactly to leave, the three decided to engage in a round of beer pong before leaving. Madison, tasked with the job of playing for both teams, was having a bomb-ass-mother-fucking night. In one game, Madison made NOT ONE, but TWO behind the back shots. TWO. Praise be to the Gods above.

Meanwhile, Luise is still canvasing.

They decided to take a cab to the variety show/concert so they could finish the beer pong game. And smoke a 'lil more. The three are pretty trashed when they finally arrive. Good times were had. Howver, as they enjoyed the progresssion of the theatrical and musical events, one question remained: How would they get from their current location back to Madison's house to get the beer and then all the way to Luise's? A quick call to Jack solved the problem. Except for the part where they didn't really know where they were and accidentally sent him downtown before realizing that the address they gave him was wrong. Oops. He found them eventually, however, and after a short drive back to Madison's house to get the beer, they were at Luise's, who somewhere between her canvasing and getting home had found enough time to get drunk as fuck.

Yes, since getting home at 10:30, Luise had broken her in Guiness cup, did her dishes and took shots. A lot of them. Victoria had also made her way to the party, as had a large sum of men from the The Institute of Technicalness. Their names: Gypsy, Russia, Mr. X, and Phelps Luck. After a few games of Shit Your Pants, the table turned... literally. It turned into beer pong. Some real janky beer pong.

Meanwhile, Luise is still canvasing... oh wait...

The party progressed. A lot of smoking and drinking was done. Flo'Rida, under the lure of Phelps Luck, was persuaded to play many, many games of beer pong. Too many. That Couple showed up at one point. The night went on... and on... and on... and on... Eventually, Flo'Rida vanished... to the bathroom. And was not seen again by anyone except Madison for a good three hours. The party cleared out eventually, Phelps Luck surely disappointed that his love had chosen the toilet over his dick. Sometimes, Phelps, these choices are not our own, but guided by a higher power. Remember that next time.

As Flo'Rida clung to the can, Svedka, Luise, Jack and Madison entertained themselves by smoking a spliff left by 1/2 of That Couple and by cooking themselves some tasty treats. Like mashed potatoes, cake and scrambled eggs. Eventually, Madison managed to get Flo'Rida off the bathroom floor and onto Luise's couch. Svekda crashed in the big round chair and Madison in the arm chair. Luise and Jack retreated to her room.

Meanwhile, Luise is sti--

8am. All members of the house wake up, if only for brief moments. Madison and a now sort-of coherent Flo'Rida prepare to take a cab home. Svekda and Luise fall back asleep. Flo'Rida, probably still drunk, vomits once again on the side of Luise's building. And in the McDonald's drive through. Finally, the two are home and in their beds and not vomiting.

Luise, back at her own house, was awoken for good at 11am by her upstairs neighbors having very loud and repetitive sex. At noon, all were roused, a wake and bake was had, and Svedka and Luise cleaned the house. They were, of course, late to see the show they were going to at 2pm. After running some errands, it was time to see their next theatrical event of the eve. Once again racing against the clock, they sped to the theatre. Madison, having slept all day from taking care of Flo'Rida all night, was also rushing to get there. Blazed as all hell, the three finally settled into their seats to enjoy the show. And enjoy it they did.

The production ended. The three headed back to Svedka's place so she could shower before they endeavored to the party they'd decided to attend. Svedka, however, decided she was too tired to go out and despite Luise and Madison's constant shouting of minute increments at her, she stayed in. Luise and Madison fled the scene and met up with a bunch of girls with whom they would go to the party. Though it started out small and sober, the keg lended itself well to them that night. And by the end of the night, it was gone.

Around 2am or so, most were ready to go. After a few confusing debacles, Madison took off to the West to head home. As she walked, she got a text message from Luise telling her she was coming with her. Thus, the two went back to Madison's place, smoked the first of the free green and slept.

Around 12:30, Luise woke Madison up when she retrieved her lighter from her room. They bid one another farewell, and headed off on their seperate journeys; Luise to her house and Madison back to sleep. When she finally woke up, she texted Svedka to find her whereabouts. Turns out, Svedka was on her way to Luise's to gather her groceries she had left there. Madison told Svekda to make a pit stop to her place to the two could indulge and then head to Luise's together. After a series of buses and some foot-longs, including a run-in with some high school friends of Svekda, they were at Luise's once again.

Another round of Shit in Your Pants, talk of learning to count cards, a few Michael Phelps jokes and beers by 5:45pm, we find ourselves here. Always here. And that was the neverending weekend.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZmimJGmrUQ

london calling

Luise and Svedka, after buying a pack of cigarettes and a little green, realized that neither of them had a lighter. (Luise's lighter had been commandeered by Jack.) Luise had one box of half filled matches to last them for their evening of festivities. Despite their best attempts for preservation, the matches slowly disappeared and the last one was used for kicking the bowl and also lighting a cigarette. Then they realized that they would be forced to chain smoke because they're only source of fire was the already lit cigarette. If only cigarettes could light weed. Then we'd be in business.

Chain Smoking Commenced.

So Much Better Remix.... Sorry...

There are things that need to be said. They are, to my recollection, the following:

1) Human Trafficking. This is when you are waiting under the Dan Ryan Expressway in a car outside a restaurant predominately occupied by police. You are in the Southside of Chicago. You are waiting to make a drop-off... a human drop-off. You wait inside your car for the other party to arrive. When their car arrives, you grab one of your companions and gag them and forcibly shove them into the next car. It is helpful if they kick and scream all the while. You might shout at them loudly and cuss a little bit for effect. The police will then come over and ask what the situation is. The scene will go as follows:

COP: Say here! What's going on over here?
YOU: Nothing, Officer. We're just dropping our friend off. Her friend is picking her up so she can get her laundry.
COP: She was kicking and screaming!
YOU: Oh... that's just what we always do. You've never heard of a Chinese Fire Drill?
COP: What! Now, listen here. That's not a Chinese Fire Drill!
YOU: It's not?!
COP: Well, no! That's when you... well, you pull up to a... to a red light or something and you... you get out of the car and everyone trades places. But you're in the same car! That's the key here! It's the same car!
YOU: Well gosh.... if that's a Chinese Fire Drill, then what are we going to call this thing that we're doing?!
COP: That's called Human Trafficking, you dumbasses!
YOU: Human Trafficking! Perfect! Thank you, Officer!

And that's how the cookie crumbles.

We also ate slabs of beef tonight. Literal slabs. They were covered in marinara... not marijuana. We did not go to St. Louis.

Also, if you receive a number from Michigan that you don't recognize and they keep calling back... even though it's sketchy, you should probably answer it because you could come home to later find out that it's your roommate who you locked out when you took off for the South Side because she was doing her laundry. As if she wasn't already angry about the dishes.... Anyway, it all comes full circle. All of it. And when it dongs on you, it dongs hard.

The end.

Circus/New Slang/Creator

Okay so this is what I wanted to say before when I couldn't figure out how to get back into this bathroom blog. So okay. Rollergirl is dead. And there is now a new member of the family and all must meet immediately.

Let's all talk details.

Moving on.

I love THIS mission statement, said Svedka. So we decided that WE need a mission statement. WE, the bathroom blog of your future. So.

The Bathroom Blog of Your Future, hereafter known as the BBloG, aims to enlighten (slash enDlightened) and entertain the troubled and exhausted souls of our black-lunged bretheren, as well as embrace a culture and lifestyle based on choice, the choice to have an abortion, mainly. Or to not. Whatever YOU wanna do. Futhermore, the BBloG hopes to send you into your years forward with a smile, a song and a warm feeling in your throat.

So now we have a mission statement. And that's that, bitches. BITCHES...

This was brought to you by Victoria, Svedka, Madison Wisconsin and Bianca... well, Bianca was here anyway.

Piazza, New York Catcher

I discovered the time-space relation during Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and it is so good. It's a big loop man. A big loop. But where did it start and where will it end? Time is infinite. It happens once through and is repeated forever and forever. Each second is it's own forever across a million universes but its all chosen and we can't change anything, or else it wouldn't work out.

How do Bill and Ted come back to meet each other? How did they get their friends to escape jail? It had to go bad once, but their ability to time travel made them fix it, so it must have always happened that way. WHERE DID IT START? What is time, man?

Love & Communication

This is the best holiday.

5pm: Madison Wisconsin and Bianca decide to round off 2008 by eating at the bar below Bianca's apartment for the first time. Buffalo wings are ordered. This is not the last time they will be seen tonight.
9pm: The two depart to Target to use giftcard Christmas present from Mom on booze.
9:15pm: Target demands IDs from all persons in party. Booze is denied.
9:30pm: Jewel Osco. Only bottle of Absolut 100 is found. Goldschlager is deemed 'good idea.'
10:40pm: Madison forgets that the purchased Absolut is 100 proof and decides to do three shots. Goldschlager's ability to cut holes in throats is enjoyed.
10:50pm: Leave apartment. See that 32 year old neighbor's lights are on. Bang on door. Demand entrance. Enter. All parties are wasted. Run away.
11:20pm: Arrive at Warehouse. Impress everyone with Goldschlager and make them do shots.
11:56pm: "I really can't do another one seriously I'll die I can't!!" "COME ON, one more before midnight!!"
11:57pm: Madison pukes into convienently found cup as Bianca watches shamefully.
11:58pm: Bianca takes Madison to the bathroom. The buffalo wings make a second appearance.
11:59pm: Madison declares that she feels better and can now drink more.
12am: Midnight. Loudspeaker. There is jumping and dancing. Madison gets off on kissing unsuspecting people who are unaware that she has just vomited. Heh heh heh.
12:10am: Drunk girl confettis the dance crowd. Though in this context, 'confettis' really means 'drunkenly throws shards of golden foil into people's faces.
12:12: Madison and Bianca immediately leave for some reason.
12:30am: The two arrive at the next location. They see that Token Slut has brought with her 10 army boys from the burbs
12:30-2am: ??? Pineapple shots, more Goldschlager, a girl with aqua eyeliner talks about feminism. Peacebone by Animal Collective, LOVE that song. Was there grinding?
2:10am: Must go to Riley's party. This could be good or bad.
2:20am: Get there. Door is locked. Damnhellfuck. Get out phone to call inside parties when random Blonde girl with Edgy haircut opens the door and says, "Why are you so angry?" LISTEN, bitch. I'm not angry. Go inside.
2:22am: Find Riley with girl who thinks she got roofied. Riley is floored, Roofie girl is abandoned.

The next two hours are incredible.
>Redbull. Jim Beam.
>Dance floor. It starts out innocently, then that ludacris Ludacris comes on and Ethnic boy ethnically grinds on sacred girl parts.
>Thought $20 bill in bra went missing... find it on kitchen floor an hour later.
>Meet man in Orioles hat, discover fellow Baltimore friend.
>Sit on couch. Converse.
>Baltimore friend decides to provide a neck massage. Baltimore friend is a friend no longer.
>Ethnic boy tells Riley he wants to "fuck her, but be friends first so it's cool." This will not happen.
>All are amazed by my drunken singing and harmony.
>A blunt makes its way around the kitchen. Talents are rewarded.
>Am enlightened by the benefits of a fuck buddy... Still deemed too complicated.
>Meet Mr. Appreciative. So appreciative and so cute. Decide his appreciative ways would make him a good boyfriend.
>Wind up on bathroom floor with Riley. Ethnic boy keeps tryna cop feels. Who decided that drunken massages were sexy?
>Riley demands that Victoria is called. Though the two have not spoken in months, the conversation is good. Victoria is confused and presumably still wasted.
>Need to go. Have to get to the suburbs for wedding.

"I know you don't want to leave, but you have to. That's how I felt when I had to leave you the other night." Hmm.

40 minute ride to the suburbs. It's about 4:30am at this point.
Arrive to Mama Bianca's house shortly after 5. A bowl to calm down. Sleep. Wedding at 2pm. Lovely.

Have been sexdreaming all day. Not about Riley, but about Mr. Appreciative. Want. NEED.

Yes 2009?

Oh What A Night

My twist from the South...

7:00 - Stop at the Walmart for food and drink (Coke & Sprite) with Diane.
Note: Keg of beer, Crown Royal, and other acutriments.
7:30- Arrive at Party Central (The Fighthaven).
7:30-8:00- Greet all that have made it to the Fighthaven: Jose, Nat, Crazy Girl, Drunk Boy (who
only was there for 5 minutes.

From this point time goes missing...

- beer is poured, and pong games get underway.
Game 1: Diane vs. Jose - Jose wins by one cup.
Game 2: Svedka vs. Jose - With an amazing game by Svedka (who is not a pro yet), she is beaten by one cup.

- Svedka decides to leave the basement, and go upstairs for some time. (toilet time)
- Svedka gets in conversation with The Vagina and it ends with a bowl being packed.
- Svedka, The Vagina, and Diana proceed to the white box and smoke a highly lethal dose of green goodness. While in the car a conversation erupts, and words are said, and maybe things are patched up between enemies. But not so sure.
- All proceed to go back into house, and Nat takes two Jager bombs.
- Jose, thinking it is a good idea, invites the parentals over.

River Rat calls Diana, but Svedka takes phone and has 45 minutes conversation with lovely boy.

Partental time...
Game 4: Jose - Jose's Dad vs. Diana - Jose's Mom: Victory from Jose and Dad, but a lovely watch from the sidelines.

Partentals leave not after Diana and Jose decide to go have a quicky... which ends up being 3 hours long.

Game 5: Svedka vs. Titties - Svedka again losses by one cup... her weakness.

Svekda decided to call the Norther friends for a little drunk conversations.

Everyone ends up coming upstairs, but then Svekda finds herself alone watching Kathy Griffin.

Everything is great in Svekda's life.

She then falls asleep... and wakes up 2 hours later (2:30) and is joined by Cleveland, and Kevin. The others come back from some bar hopping, who have been locked out of the house except for the basement. They get the smart idea to break down Jose's bedroom door, and through this doors are slammed, and Cleveland comes down from her tower and yells. Crazy Cookville kids leave and talking ensues. Talking continues through the night until 4 in the morning when Diana and Joey decide to leave their sexual escapades. Talk Talk Talk.

All go and fall asleep.

11:00 a.m.: All wake up... WAFFLE HOUSE.

Life is good.

Pong Games: 5
Keg Gone: 1/2
Other Liquors: 10
Yelling: To Much
Laughter: Enough
Pot Smokes: A Right Amount

HAPPY NEW YEAR
2009!!!!

Soul Kitchen

New Years Eve timetable

10pm: Conor, Angela, Jack, and Louise arrive at Victoria's apartment. They realize that their source of booze fell through so they must all share Victoria's bottle of lime Smirnoff.
10:40pm: The 5 comrades depart for location #1 (coach house). They recieve a phone call from Svedka, their Southern comrade. YAY!
10:50pm: En route to location 1, they recieve communication that location 1 is lame. Change plans and continue north to location 2 (warehouse).
10:55pm: Walk to location 2.
11:15pm: Arrive at location 2. Wait in stairwell for communication on apartment number. Drunk man in the hall allows Angela and Jack to pee in random apartment in the building.
11:30pm: Enter correct apartment. Commence drinking heavily and quickly in anticipation for midnight. It's important to note that this drinking includes Victoria doing shots of Goldschlager with Madison. Angela and Conor smoke a joint.
11:54pm: Try to climb long stairwell to roof.
11:55pm: Plan fails when door to roof is locked/frozen shut.
12am: Ring in 2009 on the dance floor with confetti, drinks, and a lot of strangers.
12:40am: Decide to leave location 2 due to lameness and drunken restlessness. Round up original 5 plus Rupert.
Total from location 2: 7 SHOTS, 12 DRINKS

12:42am: En route to location 1. Conor drinks half and spills the rest of Victoria's drink.
12:43am: Run into Leigh Ann on the street. Excitement all around. Invites comrades to party at her place Friday!
1:00am: Arrive at location 1. Make one round through house, greeting friends. Important to note that coats were kept on in order to go back outside immediately and smoke cigarettes.
1:15am: Still outside. Angela gets in a fight with Navy man - Louise breaks it up, as usual.
1:17am: Back inside the party. Louise, Conor and Angela smoke a bowl, unbeknowst to their comrades, namely Victoria and Jack.
1:18am: Victoria discovers fireplace. She hovers nearby, discussing its wonders with Andy, who built the fire. Angela leaves location 1 and goes home.
1:30am: Louise commandeers a free pineapple shot, courtesy of a kind and intoxicated bartender/party host.
1:46am: Conner spills drink.
1:52am: Conner spills "wine" all over floor, curitian and wall. Party foul number three.
2:00am: Hans flirting with Louise becomes too much for her. She tells him that Victoria has been her girlfriend for the past five years. He is intimidated and backs off - fuck yeahhhhh fucker!
2:15am: Conner spills Louise's drink. Party foul number four....
2:30am: Leave location 2. Walk to public transportation.
Total from location 1: 2 SHOTS, 6 DRINKS, 4 PARTY FOULS BY CONOR.\

2:36am: Conner and Louise pee in well lit alley way.
2:40am: Pass 24-hour diner. Decide hunger wins over need to go home.
3:30am: Leave diner after kickass meal, despite horrendous service.
4:13am: All comrades arrive home safely. A good night was had by all.

*NOTE: drinks and shots are total from all 5 comrades.
*NOTE: happy fuckin new year.