"So... what if one day, like I'm talking thousands of years from now, dogs could like.. evolve.. to wanting drugs.. or some kind of dog drug.. and there was a secret underground dog drug world and there were dealer dogs and the dogs got drugs from them."

"....well, they'd have to have some kind of currency."

"Yeah... unless it was run by humans. And then they get the dealer dogs to get money."

"But how do dogs get money?"

"...they steal it."

"..."

"..."

eh.. maybe you had to be there.

Train Round the Bend

heyyyy ya'll! its VICTORIA! hell yeah, i'm back. i've missed all you crazy bloggers. and thanks for the comments...keep em comin :)
Luise and I met to see a "concert" in Steel Park. it ended up really being a "shelebration." yes everyone...it was a reading of shel silversteins poems. before you laugh, it ended up being really great. dont like, you ALL loved his poems when you were younger! and did you know: his daughter died when she was 11? his actual day of death is unknown? that he wrote many songs for johnny cash and loretta lynn? THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
after the Shelebration we went back to luise's house and smoked. (hell yeah we were at a reading of shel silverstein poems and we were not under any influence. sweeeet.) we listed to william s. burroughs, yo la tengo, the beatles, and many others......who knows the artisit of the song in the title?!??!
~this has been a vIcToRiA production~

Single Again

Tuesday: Margaritas
Wednesday: Tall Cans
Thursday: Good beer
Friday: Wine
Saturday: KEG
Sunday: Jug Wine
Monday: Left Over Keg

Yes, this was a week of drinking for me.

But I will speak of one night in particular. THE NIGHT O' KEG(s)....!!!

It was a dark and stormy evening and I rode my bike 8 miles in the rain and thunderstorm to arrive at Madison Wisconsin's covered in gross road wet. Madison and Bianca (who just that day had returned to the group after many months of absence) had been working on special brownies all night. I also see Svedka for the first time in weeks.

After they finish the brownies, the 10 various people who had accumulated at Madison's house march their way down the street to JerMayBeGay's house and to the keg(s). I drank so much from the keg(s). I love keg(s). Beer can never taste better. Everyone is having a crazy time: face painting, beer pong, flip cup, thunderstorms, and special brownies.

Recently I have quit the tabacco weed. However, when I am drinking I sometimes make exceptions. (Oddly enough, I drank all week so really I smoked cigarettes all week....) Anyway, I was trying to make make once such quitting exception when I meet Jimmy. Jimmy and I had been previousally aquainted at a Great Book's party. We talk a couple times during the night with some other hipster type peoples. After a couple of hours Jimmy and James (his counterpart) decide they are going to go to another party and they invite me along. I think, why the hell not? So I retreive my bicycle from Madisions and follow them.

As I ride up to the location, Jimmy and James climb out of cab. We go inside this house and meet Twitch (J and J's 16 year old friend who is totally gone by our arrival) and Bruce. The DJ had stoped spinning by the time I arrived and the kegs were sucked dry, so I wet up to the roof to look for another exception cigarette.

While asking around for a cigarette I meet a second Jimmy and his two friends, Cheech and the Bigman. At the end of the conversation Bigman proclaimed his everlasting love for me because of how awesome I was and told people I was his wife. Cheech and I had set up a green bakery. And Jimmy Two and I exchanged numebers.

Then I meet Andree and Allen. I enjoyed their company much less than the prevoius crowd. They tried to take me to another party, but instead I left with Jimmy One, James, Twitch and Bruce on a five mile epic walk to Jimmy's house. Twitch and Bruce are completely wasted and would punch shit and knock over stuff and rip plants out of planters. It was insanity. Jimmy One eventally gets bored with their drunkness and takes off walking. I catch up to him on my bike. We finally make it to his house at 5am after an hour and a half of walking with my bike. Bruce, Twitch and James arrive five mintues after us. Eventually they pass out after some drunk giggleing. I innocently cuddle with Jimmy One all night, wake up and ride my bike home.

I wonder if I will see them ever again. That night was a lot of fun.

The moral of this story is: Enjoy your kegs.
-Luise

I'm Not

On the the ninth day, God created Xanax.

True statement.

Saturday, June 27th.
1030p::Flo'rida, Michael Phelps, and yours truly, Madison Wisconsin, furiously swallow one half a magic z-bar each and jump in a cab.
11p::The three arrive at the movie theatre. A large popcorn is bought. The movie begins. What where the previews? Couldn't tell ya.
11?p::Flo'Rida and Phelps swallow their other halves as I sneak to the bathroom for a quick nose potty break and a snort.
11?p-1240a:: ...... There was something to do with a slave and virgins in a fire. I can tell you nothing else.
1245a:: Walk home. I remember that this happened, but I don't remember it happening. Does that make sense?
1a-5a:: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED! WHY ARE ALL THESE HOURS MISSING FROM MY LIFE!?!?!

Flo'Rida passed out on my bed early. At some point, the small and twitchy roommate arrived home, accompanied by JereMayBeGay. The breeze was shot, I suppose. JereMayBeGay swallowed a half before retreating to Mitchel's room. He returned several hours? minutes? days? light years? later and snorted a line, stating, "I MUST be listening to Californication while I snort this!" And thus it was.

The night continued. At some point, I cheered Phelps on like a frat pledge trying a kegstand as he successfully snorted two lines without a bloody nose. We all cheered each other on, really.

Somehow, hours went by. Photographic evidence proved we were outside at 530a. We passed a possum sitting on a railing. It just kind of sat there and stared at us. Then Phelps put a cup on its head which it hissed angrily at. But it still sat there and posed as we took pictures with it.

The discovery of this photo led them to another realization. Sometime before stepping outside, the lack of grass was discovered. There was none. Whatsoever. Then JereMayBeGay suggested a decision so vile, it can only be blamed on the copious amounts of Xanax. JMBG (so long to type!) mentioned he knew where his neighbor kept her stash. I have absolutely no idea how this story goes. Long story short, we broke into her house at 4am and looked around. Pretty nice place. Then, I suppose we realized we were in someone else's house. Literally. This makes no sense. But I REMEMBER NOTHING!

Then we came back to the house. Phelps began what he later described as a luxiously slow bike ride home around 6:30 and I crashed. Hard.

Oh, I also gave Phelps $10 to get me herb. Seriously, this is all very confusing. I don't know.

In the morning, Phelps gave me a call and told me his guy fell through. Biked all the way back to give me my money. Then we made calls to other people. And then it was found. So he biked away to get it for me. OH, by the way Big Ben may be back in the game and playing it cheap. More news on that later.

After some patient waiting, Flo'Rida got home from work. Big Tony ditched on our quality time and Phelps arrived shortly after. The three of us watched some Weeds and smoked some. Eventually, Flo'Rida hit the hay. That's when Phelps and I tried to figure out the previous night. And yet, to no avail. And now JereMayBeGay is here again. Nothing makes sense. Ever.

Haven't done any z-bars tonight, but the memory of the no memory was tight as shit. Time meant nothing. And I have no recollection of ANY of it.

Sweet.

Well. Off to indulge. This is great for my sleep schedule.

À bientôt,
Madison Wisconsin

Untitled #1

After the gas company left at 4am, Madison and I discussed our own mortality. Eventually we fell asleep, only to be shortly reawakened by kittens running around on top of us. Luckily we were able to tame the beasts and go back to sleep for awhile. The sleep was greatly appreciated, but it caused us to miss free admission day at the aquarium. In light of the events, we instead made plans to screen print shirts and invited our mutual friend, Big Tony, over. After a brief conversation about France and wearing berets, the two of us separated only to reunite a few hours later where we enjoyed the fine weather and relaxed until Tony arrived. It was now time to indulge in the art of screen printing.

After minutes of debate, the three of us arrived at the perfect stencil: The horse-tamer.


Instead of a man taming a horse however; we had a unicorn battling a wizard.

MAGIC DUEL.

In the middle of running the shirts, the power of the munchies unleashed itself upon us. Madison Wisconsin and I decided to make deviled eggs and crepes. It was 11.30 pm and we cooked up a storm wearing berets and speaking in French accents. We dedicate that evening to our a friend who is traveling in Europe now; May you drink much wine and make out with many French men in front of the Eiffel Tower.

Somewhere in the glory of the crepes and eggs Madison and I began to talk of revolution. We became young Che's and I thrust my cooking knife into the cutting board a few times pretending to get the information before Tony freaked out about how insane we were. He took the knife (probably with good reason), but only stuck around a little longer before retiring home.

Madison and I finished printing our shirts and bags. Here is a finished design.

The city was already there, by the way.

It had been a long and exhausting day so we retired early and made plans to visit the aquarium on the morrow. It seems the kittens did not like this plan, because they woke us up around 8am. Madison, being unable to sleep returned to her house and headed for the fish gallery on the bus while I set out on my million mile bike ride.

After some time in the humid and cloudy city we each arrived at our destination, saw about 20 million children waiting in line at the aquarium and decided to walk down the lake looking for a space to indulge in some green activities. We walked around the shore and enjoyed the nice weather, played in the water and even went and saw an art exhibit. My god we sound like a couple lesbians on a date. (Not that there would be anything wrong with that, but gay we are not.) In the late afternoon we split ways, and made plans to possibly reunite later tonight. Madsion's roommate, Flo' Rida, returns today so it should be a cause for celebration.

I feel like I'm returning from a lovely vacation and I didn't even leave the city. May these days come easy and often, and may the rain hold off just a little bit longer.

Respectfully Yours,
Luise

Theme de Yoyo

Dear Bathroom Blog,

Is very good to see you. We have not make correspondence for very long time and it makes for very sadness very much.

However, we at the Bathroom Blog, despite our recent negligence, are still committed to sharing the beautiful and fuzzy moments of life as best we can, and we will attempt to keep that commitment throughout the summer, as God is our witness.

But, this post is not about apologies, no sir. This post is about the last 24 or so hours, in their complete and honest glory. A time span and unfolding of events that can only result from the braindeadness of summer, the mental cloud of herbal aides and the turbulent sleep cycles of today's urban youth.

It is written in Genesis, chapter 6, God once decided to flood the earth and kill everyone and everything. With, of course, the exception of one man, Noah, and his wife, Noah's Wife. God said that Noah had to build an ark and collect two of all the kinds of the animals (and maybe plants, but that's debatable.) Long story short, it rained for a really long time (maybe forty days, or is that another one?) and then a dove came. Anyway. That's basically what Chicago was like as our story begins. Massive downpours, thrashing winds, etc. After some long debate on the probability of death should Madison face the storm and make her way to the Dank Haus to revel in the rainy day with Luise, the decision was made. Madison, with her umbrella and kitten in hand, waded through the raging storm and arrived at Luise's, soaked, but alive and well. The two spent the evening in the best of ways: watching their new kittens play, a rock and roll film, a cake, some awkwardness, and of course, some plant. It was the best of all times.

The evening went swimmingly, until around 3am, when Luise stepped out of her bedroom and into the kitchen. It was then that the smell hit. It was 'butaney,' 'alcoholicy,' even. At first, the pair thought Luise's oven had a leak, and that they would surely die of an explosion. The two retreated to the bedrom to decide what their next move would be. They soon agreed that the smell didn't really remind of the 'sulfury' stench of a gas leak, but remained stumped as to what the mysterious odor was, or where it was coming from. Finally, after much debate over what to do (should we leave? where will we go? what about the cats? what if the house explodes? what if we get sick? we'll feel like such fools!), the two made an important decision. As it was three in the morning, the two had no where to go. No one to call. No hope. So they called the only one who could possibly help: the gas company.

Their help, however, was actually the opposite of help. It was non-help. After reaffirming that the smell wasn't a gas leak and making a lame joke about a $700 bill that only further confused Luise's deepfried brain, they departed, leaving our heroes once again alone with their enemy. Deciding to investigate the basement on the supposition that the smell was coming from a vent, the two retreated to the depths below. However, the basement yielded no evidence of the odor, and the mystery continued. It was then that the locked door to the right of the basement was spotted. The truth was then apparent. There was a meth lab underneath Luise's apartment. Of course.

This conclusion seemed to be the most probable and easily explained soultion to the mystery, and thus, it stands. The real answer, however, will most likey never be revealed. The smell was gone by morning, all evidence of its existence gone with it. Only the foggy deja-vu like feelings of a night that once was. The night of the Butaney Alcoholicey Gas Leak.

Luise's commentary on tonight's events soon to come. Stay alive, Bathroom Blog. Stay alive.

Most sincerely,
Madison Wisconsin

I Love My Car

NEW CARD GAME: Ay Caliente!

RULES:
-Players are dealt 5 cards. One player receives 6. The dealer decides which person gets 6. The person with 6 cards goes first.
-A card from the deck is turned over. Players must either 1) Match the Suit, 2) Match the card numerically, or 3) Play a card one number higher of any suit.
-If the number is matched, the next player must draw a card before they can go.
-If a player cannot play on a card, they must draw two cards. If they can then play with one of the drawn cards, they may. If not, they must say "No caliente."

AY YI YI!:
-An AY YI YI is when three of the same number have been played.
-A double (ex: two 9s) can be played only if the player before has put down the same number (a 9). This is an AY YI YI!
-If one player puts down a number (8), then the next player puts the same number (8), the next player must draw a card. BUT, if they are able to put down the same number again (8), this is an AY YI YI!
-The first player to shout AY YI YI! chooses another player to draw a card.
-If multiple players shout AY YI YI, they must rock, paper, scissors to AY YI YI!, the symbol revealed on the final YI! The winning player wins the AY YI YI and chooses who draws.

AY CALIENTE!:
-When a player has one card left, they must shout AY CALIENTE! before each player's turn.
-If they are caught not saying AY CALIENTE!, they must draw a card.

BUENOS DIAS!
-After a player has won and is the AY CALIENTE!, the phrase becomes BUENOS DIAS!
-If a player has one card left at this point, they must say BUENOS DIAS! before each player's turn.
-If they are caught not saying BUENOS DIAS! or if they say AY CALIENTE! instead, they must draw a card.

After the BUENOS DIAS! has won, the player with the least amount of cards is The Shuffler for the next round. They must shuffle the deck throughout gameplay until the next Shuffler is crowned. The person with the most amount of cards at the end becomes the next dealer and chooses who gets 6 cards and goes first.

SPECIAL BONUS RULE:
-If at any time, four of the same number card (four of a kind) are played, all players except the one who played the fourth card must draw one card. THIS INCLUDES any players who have already won. The AY CALIENTE! (& the BUENOS DIAS! if applicable) must draw one card and rejoin the game. Their status is revoked and game continues.

OTHER PENALTIES:
-Saying AY YI YI! when an AY YI YI! has not been played results in the offending player drawing one card.

For multiple players, other Spanish phrases are encouraged for the tiering.

This game can be played with 3 to any number of people. One deck is suggested per four players.